Columns

The print edition of the Tucson Comic News is currently carrying five columns on an irregular basis:

Human Power, by local green activist Bill Moeller, concerns itself with the issues facing bicyclists, both in Tucson and all over the globe, and is meant as a forum for bicycle activists.

Food Matters, by noted food writer Robert Oser, is about vegetarianism and organic food, and covers these topics with both a general and a local focus. The Vegetarian Resource Pages of the Comic News will carry Robert's reviews of Tucson area restaurants friendly to vegetarians, as well as recipes and articles.

How to win an argument with a meat eater
Sundance Cafe & Juice Bar
Gandhi: Cuisine of India
Casbah Tea House
Zemam's: Ethiopian Delights in the Heart of Tucson
Govinda's: Veggie Buffet Impresses
Guilin Chinese Restaurant: Chinese Cuisine with a Twist
Famous Pita: Great Falafel, No Joke
Farewell Taj Mahal - Welcome Sher-E-Punjab
Native Cafe: Out of This World
Send Us Your Thoughts!
Vegetarian Best of Tucson
The Garland Restaurant: A Tucson Landmark for Good Reason
Sundanse: The Best Incarnation Yet!
Nomads Cafe: A Taste of Morocco
Best of the 60s Survives at Oasis Cafe

Worthy Causes, by social worker Nan Lagemann, covers a different Tucson nonprofit each month, and includes contact information for you to donate your time and/or fuunds.

Rebel Music, by the pseudonymous Tom Painless, is about rock 'n' roll of all types, and any music that challenges its listeners as well as the status quo. Reviews of notable and unusual recordings appear each month.

And World Wide Weird, by the equally pseudonymous Travis Bickle, is a monthly dive into the deep end of Internet strangeness, complete with links.

This page will archive the columns that appear in the print edition, and may offer additional pieces that do not appear in print. The Tucson Comic News is always looking for guest columnists to expound (briefly) on these topics. Please feel free to submit your articles to comicnews@earthlink.net, or to PO Box 510, Tucson AZ 85702. For your trouble, we will pay you virtually nothing.

Human Power

"I Ride and I Drive."

by Burton Hathaway

I ride.

It used to be "I ride therefore I am", but no longer. Now I just ride. Oh, and I also work full time in a bike shop. And go to school full time. And have a wife and two kids (truly full time). But still I ride.

I no longer race, and I thought I really missed it and had to get back to it as soon as possible. But after a 70 year old gentleman came into the shop the afternoon after the Tucson Bicycle Classic time trial, wearing a number and pleased with his performance, I realized that I have all the time in the world to get back to racing, so now I can just ride and enjoy the mere act of riding. No pressure, no "training', no more of the testosterone laden death rides (as if I'll miss them. Okay, Well, maybe a little).

Spring is here, and going out for a ride is one of the greatest pleasures you can give yourself (not to mention that it is free). Go out and ride nowhere, with no goal; time wise,heart rate wise etc. Sure the cars and all the things we love to gripe about are still there, but try ignoring them. Focus on your pleasure of being outdoors. If someone who thinks every ride is a "race" (and you all know who you are) goes by you, let him/her. Who really cares? After all, if you focus less on other riders, you can focus on the beautiful surroundings, the mountains etc. Of course, you have to survive the Tucson traffic to get to these places where the surroundings are enjoyable. And that brings up a whole 'nother can of worms that I don't wish to get into at this time. But "alea jecta est" (the die is cast) as Caesar once said, so here I go.

I ride and I drive. I see the idiots running red lights, and have been guilty of it myself on occasion. (Of course if a policeman/woman asks, I'll deny it!). I thought about all the ranting and raving I could do here on paper, but find that it serves no purpose. We, as cyclists and human beings, are far from perfect. And since we (for the most part) all drive as well as ride, we should attempt to be as concerned about traffic as drivers as we are while bei ng cyclists. Something about not being hypocrites......? 'Nuff said.

So, go out and enjoy the act of riding. Remember why you started riding in the first place. Remember the freedom that it affords your mind. It allowed me to come up with most of this drivel while riding from work to my new home in Catalina.

Oh, I am also a new homeowner. Where does the time go? I think I'll go ride! See you on the road or the trail (your choice). Slow up and chat awhile, I'll be nice, I promise. Remember, there is always coffee at the end of the rainbow!

Let's Get Moving!

by Carolyn Campbell

It seems as if there is momentum and energy in Tucson to create a more livable city; I mean REALLY a more livable city. Of course, that means that people have to be willing to get out of their cars! How many of us would like to see *car-free zones* on main arterials and in commercial districts? How about some light rail spurs in Tucson? How about seeing more bicycles than cars on the roads? Sure......

OK, folks, it is time. Here are some of the projects in the works, that need some real people power to make it happen:

The *Depot Gateway Vision* was a concept put forward by a group of individuals that proposes to convert the old Southern Pacific Depot downtown into a transportation hub focused on alternate modes: bicycle facilities with lockers and showers, light rail spurs coming from both the east and south sides, and connecting the downtown and 4th Avenue commercial districts with pedestrian-friendly and auto-discouraged access. This concept has been adopte d by the Mayor and Council, but it needs a champion, someone to pull together a public/private partnership and put public pressure for action on this concept! Call City Councilmember Molly McKasson at 791-4601, or e-mail at ward6@azstarnet.com, if you want to be involved on this project.

*Car-Free Zones*: other cities, such as Portland, Oregon and Boulder, Colorado and many others have shown bold leadership in banning automobiles from certain corridors, creating lively and interactive marketplaces. The city of Arcata, California now has a majority of the City Council who are members of the Green Party. They are proposing a number of their local streets to be designated auto-free (2 of the 3 Greens on the Council do not own a car). Let*s have a serious discussion in Tucson about this.

Alternate Modes Lobbying: it is time that we have a critical mass of citizens that will lobby for a bicycle commuter friendly community and more accessible mass transit. We need to lobby the state, the county, the city, and even the federal government. At all levels, we need a commitment to less reliance on the automobile. And this includes a dedicated funding source, such as a gas tax and/or a sales tax. BICAS, the Bicycle Inter-Community Action and Salvage (remember the folks who brought us the orange bikes?) is willing to coordinate and mobilize this next very important step in improving the health of our community. Call Kim Young at 628-7950 to help.

There is also a group of neighbors organizing around the issue of Stone Avenue Transformation, from a run-down, almost scary place to be into a shining example of bicycle and pedestrian friendly, as well as aesthetically pleasing centerpiece corridor. Again, there needs to be a lot of pressure from the community to make this a reality. If you are interested in helping, call Sally Day at 622-0295 or e-mail her at sallytodd@juno.com.

Let*s Get Moving! Now is the time. Carolyn Campbell is an activist with the Arizona Green Party and an Aide to City Councilmember Molly McKasson.

Rebel Music

"Slightly Drunken Notes at the Matthew Sweet Show, 5/4/97"

So it's quarter after eleven at Club Congress and I've been surfing the Web, checking out Matthew Sweet sites in order to research the review I'm about to write. And while I'm perusing various snippets of info on the man, I hear a voice behind me commenting on the material with a certain degree of knowledge, who turns out to be Mr. Sweet himself. Switching to schmooze mode, I snagged myself an autograph on one of the CD booklets I had thoughtfully brought along for lyric references.

This allowed me to get the lowdown on the band, who I have no doubt will rise to the occasion on what turns out to be the final gig on this leg of the tour. Paul Chastain, late of the band Velvet Crush, plays keyborads, guitars and vocals. Ivan Julian, who has recorded with the Clash and Shriekback, among others, fills the lead guitar shoes previously worn by the likes of Robert Quine and Richard Lloyd. Tony Marisco is on bass and vocals and Rick Menck is our rambunctious drummer.

Sweet has carved out a career for himself that is equal parts pop craftsmanship, impeccable hired guns, and self-pity. I mean, the man seems as well-adjusted as your average geezer, but the theme in his songwriting is inescapable: " I'm sick of myself when I think of you/ something is beautiful and true/ in a world that's ugly and a lie/ it's hard to even want to try." This is far from the only example but it is the most cunningly presented.

Sweet is tuning up right behind me as I type, a sly smile on his face, and he and his band have been well-oiled with drinks. As have I (thank you, Dan). A local deejay, the charming Cathy Rivers, is hyping up the crowd, and here we go....

Whooo, they're tight! A crunchy mid-tempo number from the new album Blue Sky on Mars called "Come to California." Well, they're all pretty crunchy, but this one fairly grabs you by the spine. If I wasn't typing, I'd be dancing. AAAAooooowwww! Okay, that's over. Their weeks on the road appear to have had a beneficial effect.

Now a song from the previous disc 100% Fun entitled "Get Older." "Your memories won't slip away/ and you'll be glad/ when you get older." Now a clean guitar intro and a footstomping groove. I don't know this song but it appears to know me. Fourth song, the single from the critically unacclaimed album Altered Beast, called "the Ugly Truth." ("you don't want to die/ but the living gets you down/ we want you to act like there's nothing wrong/ even though you heard a sound/ and then you're ripped right out of the ground/ like a fucking root." Critics, whatta they know, they're paid to criticize. This is the perfect song for this place and time, no doubt about it (as a critic, I've always been a pushover). Pardon me, I have to dance with my wife.

Now a nice slow song, let's see if I recognize it. Not really, but who cares? Wait, Nan found it in the Girlfriend booklet; it's called "Winona." He told me he tried to teach it to Winona but she chickened out on singing it with him onstage. That was sublime... Okay, full crunchy mode once again. Oh, Ivan! This is another new song, "Into Your Drug." Matthew is earning his pay, working that fretboard on the solo. Next song: very very fast version of "Girlfriend," one of my favorites. Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance. Cool, lots of room to dance in the Cybercafe, while everybody else is packed in like sardines. What a great arrangement, with that little bass solo in the middle. This makes me very happy.

Now another new song, "Coming Back to You." Allow me to overuse the word "crunchy." This man makes the crunchiest music around. Such a tight band, such shimmering arrangements. Next song, nice and slow: "Someone to Pull the Trigger." It's amazing how well this band recreates his studio sound, lush backup vocals, very clean sound.

Mr.Sweet is now introducing the band and threatening to leave the stage soon. "Sick of Myself" cannot be far away, either the set closer or the encore. It must be said that that is the masterpiece, the epitome of the oeuvre of self-pity, that the insecure nerd in all of us can relate to.

Now he tells us of the epiphany of hearing this next song, "Time Capsule," on Musak, the moment he knew he had finally arrived. Also on the criminally underrated Altered Beast album: "Our love is in a time capsule/ let's dig it up." Now it's the new raver, "Get Over It," the set closer if I'm not mistaken. I know I'd need a break after this tempo. Another little pop masterpiece; it's a damn shame this man isn't better known. But no, there's more to come...."I've been Waiting," from the Girlfriend album. Jeez, I sound like a deejay. Oooh, nice harmonies.

Mr. Painlss is on his third gin and tonic now and is somewhat bereft of rock critic adjectives... Squealing synths intro the next number...unable to identify this song, but it stretches out into a wonderful workout, and now it's a song called "We're the Same," with that same pithy oomph with which all classic pop seduces you. The ghosts of dead Beach Boys and Beatles and such are smiling down. Ohh, those backup vocals again, these boys is tight! And now it's the new song "Where you get Love," and those dead guys are fairly laughing. The melody must be channeled, the vocals so passionate: "Where do you get love/ down below or somewhere up above/ got a scary feeling I know/ where you get love."

Last song, "Sick of Myself!!!!" Nan & I danced the hell out of that one. Did I mention we fell in love on this very dancefloor? Yes, three false endings and a space jam.... Thank you Mr. Sweet. They escape out the back door to their waiting bus. Are encores a thing of the past? Ivan is still emoting on the fretboard. Mr. Chastain is lounging about at the bar; something tells me it ain't over yet. Drummer returns, where is Matthew? Right here, strapping it on, and to loud cheers retakes the stage.

Strum, strum, strum...he covers the old song by the Move, "Do Ya!" What impeccable taste! "In this life I've seen everything I could see woman... But I've never seen nothing like you... Do ya do ya want my love?" A killer melody, undying riffs from the cusp of the 70s, from Jeff Lynne's pre-ELO outfit, another lost pop masterpiece. My toe, it be tappin'. Now he covers the Kinks song, "Waterloo Sunset." Did I say that Do Ya was a masterpiece? Do Ya can't even hold this song's jock! We have now ascended to pop heaven. I tell ya, bub, they don't write songs like this anymore: "as long as I gaze on/ Waterloo sunset/ I am in paradise." Oh, and now, just when you think he can't top himself, he covers Bowie's "Moonage Daydream!" FREAK OUT!!! Oh yes, big finish, we are all satisfied now....

Once again most of the band escapes while one continues frenzied riffing. Mr. Sweet has left the building. One AM, goodnight everybody. Many diehards continue to applaud. Roadies tune axes, nobody's really leaving, but applause dying out.House lights up, we're closing. Sleep well.

"Drunken Notes at the Frank Black Show, 4/25/97"

By Tom Painless

midnight, club congress
frank black
ex-pixie is taking the stage
there are dozen macs here with t1 connections
i'm totally looped
wish nan was here
she's in phoenix
mr. black was one of our earliest dates you'll recall
he is warming up
i'm so happy to be here
what will he play?
i have a free bombay sapphire and tonic
i got in for ad trade
i can see him on the video screen
first song:
lyric : "down in mexico way"
can't remember the song title
data retrieval problems
oh well
enthusiastic reception from the crowd
he is playing solo
electric
nice intro for #2
OH YES!
wave of mutilation!
pixies friggin rock!!!!
(last line added by onlooker)
last time i saw him:
no pixies songs
this is SO COOL!
fine place to watch
no need to crowd up close to the stage
i can hear great
see him on that screen
actually there's the back of his head about 20 ft away
more please
nice ballad, oh yeah, speedy marie
about his girlfriend
sheesh he's in fine voice
next song
don't recognize
well actually i do but...
can't name it; lyric: "you've got my message of love"
segues into Headache
the one song I really wanted to hear
cool somebody gave up a stool for me
"this wrinkle in time can't give it no CREDIT!!!!"
okay another sapphire please
now it's "Los Angeles"
love that tune!
"wanna live in los angeleeze
not the one in south california
'they got one in south patagonia"
medleys into both
"in the year 2525"
by zager and evans
and "coming into los angeles"
by arlo guthrie
and back into his own song
what a guy!

guest writer:
natasha
"Here I am, arriving from the UK -
I thought I was escaping pretentious shit, until I arrived here!
I am listening to a so-called revered group at a gig, and I want to know if
anyone here knows whether the bass, melody, soul and feeling is in this
music.... Luckily on my travels from London, I am priveledged to meet people
who appreciate free expression and opinions on this subject. My newly made
acquaintances are very cool, but please shoot the people here who think this
crappy music means something......No! She doesn't speak her mind or
anything... Glad to meet an internet friend...Cheers! (as we Brits Say)"
thank you natasha for a responsible opposing viewpoint
nice to meet you

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!

AIN'T SHE CHARMING?

the bass anyway is only on the records
it's strictly solo
the soul and feeling
as you well know
is an acquired taste
at best

anyway solo gigs are an interesting tradeoff
obviously the guitarist has to play both rhythm and melody
so some of these melodies are more or less remembered
internalized as it were
saw elvis costello do that once

couple songs I don't quite know
did I mention he played "Pong"?
love that tune!

now it's "old black dawning"
actually you fellows might like this one
another sweet ballad
not too many of 'em in the pixies years

ok, now it's a new song:
can't make out a single lyric
but it does have the requisite passion
happy crowd
now what? damn it sounds familiar
sounds like a cover tune...?
he picks interesting covers
beach boys. beatles, velvets. leonard cohen, neil young, jesus and mary chain
man he WIGGING OUT!
ooh that was masterful
boy do I have to pee
oh yes now
"abstract plane"
yes he has written a number of fine songs since the pixies split

Serge from Corsica just walked by

"And so did Natasha.... Someone who talks so much still manages to say so much at the smallest opportunity! Actually, Alex and I were just talking about that. There were two crabs walking along the beach when one of them burst into uncontrollable sobs of depression. The other crab friend of his was most peturbed by this, and said " Hey crab, what's the matter?"... To which he responded " I'm SO UPSET!"
" Why?" , said his friend.....
"Because", he said
" What?" , said his friend...
" Because, I've just found out.......I'VE G0T PEOPLES"!!!!!!!!!"

Okay, back from the toilet
not exactly Trainspotting quality but not the cleanest i ever pissed in either on the wall were 9 cartoon panels from the great Charles Burns now a frequent New Yorker cover artist thanks to his pal Spiegleman
(my hero)

frank black is doing what appears to be another obscure cover
and now?
867-5309?
okay for the bonus points, who wrote that one?
tommY tutone? rick springfield?
i'll look it when i get home
(like i say trivia retrieval glitches)
definitely tongue in cheek

that was fun
ok, wrapping it up now...last numbers before the encores
"ramona" a lovely tribute to the immortal ramones
performed quite slowly, and soulfully too
no matter what natasha might say
sample lyric: "they pulled another Menudo"

big cheers
i let out a few big war whoops
like i usedta at the dead shows

very fast now
oh, abrupt tempo change
wish i could remember trhe name of this one
should have crammed for the exam
with his 3 solo discs

he leave the stage now
no actually he won't bother to leave
jesus he must have at least 3 guitars starpped onto his portly frame
i wouldn't go for no hikes either

but he definitely needs a little break
milling about onstage
he guzzles some liquid
an encore or?

people are leaving
damn it's cold outside
close that f*****door!

oh well no encore!
DAMN!

OKAY BYE!!!!!

World Wide Weird #1: Anti-Gay Hysterics

Since the demise of the Red Menace, American right wingers have faced a vexing problem: lack of a credible enemy. Despite valiant (and mind-bogglingly expensive) attempts to create one in the Middle East, the best they've come up with is the comic-opera dictator, Saddam Hussein (who received $7 billion in U.S. "aid" during the 1980s). Saddam, however, was a short-term distraction. Despite the well orchestrated Gulf War hysteria of 1991, and periodic attempts since then to revive it, it's doubtful that many of our fellow citizens are still worried about Iraqi troops storming the beaches of Coney Island anytime soon.

Thus, the American right has had to look closer to home to fill the enemies gap. So, in place of the Red Menace, we now have the Pink Menace--homosexual recruiters and child molesters destroying the fabric of American life.

Fundamentalist christians have been at the forefront of the anti-gay crusade of recent years, and one can find their particular brand of dementia in its purest form at http://www.godhatesfags.com, the web site of the Reverend Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church, of Topeka, Kansas. Rev. Phelps's church has received much notoriety in recent years for picketing the funerals of AIDS victims. Among their signs: "God Hates Fags," "Fags Hate God," "Thank God for AIDS," "AIDS Cures Fags," and "Another Dead Fag." See http://www.godhatesfags.com/picket.html.

Why do the Rev. Phelps and his church (comprised mostly of his extended family, which includes over a dozen lawyers) engage in such hateful activity? Their answer is refreshingly forthright: "Because the Bible preaches hate. For every one verse about God's mercy, love, compassion, etc., there are two verses about His vengeance, hatred, wrath, etc." This, at least, is accurate.

But the same can't be said of their reasons for their obsession with and hatred of gay people: "Because fags can't reproduce naturally, they resort to recruiting children. Fags can be heard chanting 'TEN PERCENT IS NOT ENOUGH, RECRUIT, RECRUIT, RECRUIT' in their fag parades." As well: "Fags are 100 times more likely to be murdered (usually by another fag) than the average person, 25 times more likely to commit suicide, and 19 times more likely to die in a traffic accident." For other fun "facts" see http://www.godhatesfags.com/fagfacts.html. But don't do it on a full stomach--godhatesfags.com is obsessed with the physical aspects of homosexualityÕs supposed effects on health.

After viewing godhatesfags.com, a normal reaction is to immediately shower. But perhaps a more enjoyable means of getting the bad taste out of one's mouth is to visit The Onion, "Number One in News"http://www.theonion-.com and check out their article, "'98 Homosexual Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal." While we're on the subject, also check out: "Casual One-Nighter Gives Strom Thurmond a Change of Heart on the Gay Issue." Sports fans will enjoy "Christ Returns to NBA." If you're over 18, check out "Community Leaders Outraged Over Porn Video." And one and all will enjoy my all-time Onion favorite, "It's Not a Crack House, It's a Crack Home."

After taking leave of The Onion, check out Disinformation , "the subculture search engine." While Disinformation's search capabilities are depressingly weak, the Disinformation site does include an amazing number of links (with relevant short reviews) to the sick, twisted, and bizarre, as well as to the useful and enlightening. Whether your fancy runs to Jack Chick christian comics, televangelists , Mexico's Zapatista rebels , or the Trilateral Commission , you'll find a plethora of links at Disinformation.

To round out an evening's surfing, there are few better places to land than Cruel Site of the Day. This site has been around now for a few years, and has literally thousands of links to the sick and perverse. As the site's founder, Roger Cadenhead puts it, "As an antidote to all of this unhealthy positive energy, Cruel Site of the Day presents a daily link to the world of the perturbed, peeved, pensive and postal." While a good majority of the sites listed on Cruel Site of the Day aren't cruel, and are simply inane, once in a while Cadenhead comes up with a real winner. My favorite so far this year is Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi, which makes the area around Flowing Wells and Roger seem like Waikiki in comparison.

For better or for worse, the number of sites on the web is increasing almost geometrically, thus the amount of sickness and perversion is also increasing almost geometrically, so . . . see ya next month.

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