Many topics to address this time, but first things first: I have a new email address. Having finally suffered the final straw from America OffLine, I can now be found at comicnews@earthlink.net for the foreseeable future. And regarding my snail mail address: I changed from PO Box 2111 to Box 510 exactly a year ago, so they're about to stop forwarding mail for me. Please update your rolodex at your earliest convenience.Secondly, please note that our fifth annual Peace Fair edition will be coming out on February 6th. Any nonprofit groups wishing to be included, at cost, in our traditional Peace Fair supplement, please contact me no later than January 26th. Try one of the above addresses or my same old phone number, 320-5105.
Topic number one today is the outrageous attempt by the USDA to ram its so-called "organic food standards" down our throats. Literally. Heaven knows that we do need consistent standards for what is and isn't called organic, but in case you hadn't heard, there are a few small problems with the friendly new USDA guidelines.
Under Uncle Sam's wise patronage, the following things could be done to your "organic" food: One, you could be served genetically engineered crops without being so notified. Two, earth-unfriendly factory farming methods could be used, and the "farmers" involved could still call their products organic. Three, your crops could be fertilized with toxic urban sewer sludge. Nothing inorganic in that stuff, right? Four, your food could be irradiated with gamma rays from leftover nuclear waste. And five, and this applies just to you meat-eaters, your "organic" meat could come from critters who lived on commercial feeds containing rendered animal parts. This is an important point for you carnivores, because this is exactly the practice which has been blamed for the deadly outbreak of mad cow disease in Britain.
As if all of this weren't nasty enough, the federal rules would of course supercede any state standards. The states would be free to set their own stricter standards on organic foods. But they would not be free to prevent produce from other jurisdictions under the ridiculous federal standards from being imported. Nor could they label such produce as failing to meet their standards, effectively rendering such protections moot.
And for the sucker punch, rest assured that Uncle Sam will be pursuing these surreal "organic" standards on a global basis through the GATT agreements and the World Trade Organization. If that effort is successful, we will be able to sue any country with higher standards for putting up "unfair trade barriers."
This is nothing but a blatant attempt by corporate agriculture to eliminate your local health food stores and the small organic farmers who supply them. Anybody who eats any kind of food, and I'm assuming that includes most of us here, should be outraged at this cynical and surreal power grab.
Before these "standards" go into effect, the Department of Agriculture is holding a 90-day period for public comment, about a third of which has passed already. So you know what to do. Send you snail mail to: Eileen S. Stemmes, Deputy Administrator, USDA-AMS-TM-NOP, Room 4007-South, Ag Stop 0275, PO box 96456, Washington DC 20090. You can send faxes to 202-690-4632, and the wired among us can make comment by travelling to the official website http://www.ams.usda.gov/nop and raising hell.
Topic number two, speaking of huge corporations forcing the little guys out of business, concerns the extent to which that continues to happen here in Tucson. That was the subject of my Rant last January, and a number of worthy and wonderful local merchants have bit the dust in the intervening twelve months. Many of the surviving business continue to feel the pinch from the big out-of-state chains.
More than a few local business owners have suggested what I brought up last year: some sort of organization of locally-owned businesses and sympathetic consumers, which could pool resources in order to advertise on TV and other media. I don't think we can rely on our local Chamber of Commerce to take this on. The message needs to get out that our quality of life suffers when profits are sucked out of our community. As I mentioned at the time, my schedule does not permit me to organize this kind of effort. But surely there must be somebody out there with too much time on their hands. Volunteers?
Topic number three: As we begin the new year, let's all take a moment to toast those who passed away in 1997. Someday somebody'll be drinking a toast to you.
Kathy Acker, writer
LaVern Baker, musician
Claude Bart, nice guy
Beavis and Butthead, morons
William Brennan, jurist
Jeff Buckley, musician
William S. Burroughs, writer
Herb Caen, writer
Joe Camel, icon
Claudette Colbert, actress
Jacques Cousteau, oceanographer
Deng Zaopeng, dictator
John Denver, musician
James Dickey, poet
Jeanne Dixon, psychic
Chris Farley, comedian
Fela Anikulapo Kuti, musician
Samuel Fuller, director
Brendan Gill, writer
Allen Ginsberg, writer
Stephane Grappelli, musician
Michael Hedges, musician
Michael Hutchence, musician
Charles Kuralt, broadcaster
Willem deKoonig, painter
Ronnie Lane, musician
Denise Levertov, poet
Roy Lichtenstein, painter
J. Anthony Lukas, reporter
Burgess Meredith, actor
James Michener, writer
Robert Mitchum, actor
Mobutu Sese Seku, dictator
Notorious B.I.G., musician
Nusrat Ali Fateh Khan, musician
Laura Nyro, musician
Robert Palmer, critic
Pat Paulsen, comedian
Col. Tom Parker, huckster
V. S. Pritchett, writer
Rainer Ptacek, musician
Red Skelton, comedian
Diana Spenser, monarch
Jimmy Stewart, actor
Brandon Tartikoff, mogul
Derek Taylor, assistant Beatle
Mother Teresa, saint
Townes VanZandt, musician
Gianni Versace, designer
Please remind me of anyone I left out. And congratulations on not being dead.